Lets put the world back together, piece by piece

In the days that are filled with pain,
In the world that is filled with negativity,
Lest we forget,
Evil cant fight evil
Evil wont fight evil

Lets put the world back together,
Piece by piece

Spread a little positivity
Smile at someone,
Wave at a stranger,
Feed the homeless, or give a fiver
Open the door for elderly,
Help a mother with her shopping bags
Do your bit.

Lets put the world back together,
Piece by piece.

Life’s little relationship problems

So, husband away for night shift, and I decide to be productive and get some work done.I put South Indian Musician A. R Rahman’s melodious songs on loads of work gets done whilst the south Indian in me deeply embraces the music. Then comes the song ‘Nila Kaaigarathu’. Out of nowhere, water works starts flowing and it wouldn’t stop. This is a song that my sister likes and used to sing all the time, much to my annoyance I’d like to add.

For me, she’s always been that annoying and naggy Anji, someone I make fun of relentlessly, someone I fight with and not talk to for days, someone who’s stubbornness could kill the world.We kept doing each other’s head in for the past 25 years I don’t know how time went by and suddenly, she is this strong, independent and an amazing woman who is about to someones wife in 7 months.

All my life, I never had any issues talking to anyone or making effort with  anyone. Her Fiance, a lovely man  who cannot be faulted for being in love with my sister had been a good friend till now. However, for the past couple of weeks, out of nowhere, I started feeling some resentment towards him and finding it difficult to talk to him. All I could think of if ‘he is Anji’s man, her husband-to-be, someone i’m going to share her with’. And I cant for the life of me get past my attachment issues with my sister and move forward which is very unlikely of me. May be its the fear that he is going to love her more that I love her, take care of her better than I did, protect her more than I ever could.

Its often easier for a friend to tell another friend how much they mean to them; a girlfriend to tell her boyfriend ‘thanks for having my back’;  and for a wife to tell her husband ‘I’m so glad you are in my life and I wouldn’t know where I’d be if I didn’t have you in my life’. To tell all these to your family?, your sister?, that’s certainly not easy.

Anji is that person who has been there your whole life that you cannot ever express how grateful you are for her sharing her food with you, for being protective of us and wanting to beat people up when they treat us bad, for buying you clothes, for speaking up to people on behalf of you and for just being her. Words would never do any justice if I were to tell her how important she is to me or the kind of role she plays in my life. Instead, I choose what any other sane individual out there would choose and not say a word and continue to do her head in, effortlessly.

Wedding day speech on wedding anniversary

Came across this speech I wrote for my wedding reception but never got to read it out due to your usual wedding-receptiony-never-go-things-as-planned stuff. Thought I’d post this here, on the 1st anniversary of our wedding so that I can look back on this and actually praise myself for writing a good damn speech.

‘I’m standing here in front of you tonight mainly because I wasn’t really given a choice. ‘People are making an effort to celebrate your special love for each other, so its only fair that you put an effort and show them why your love is special’.

Some of yous know that I have a deep love for philosophy and use philosophy and metaphors to learn about life. Even though most of yous don’t know this about us, the beginning of mine and sterry’s meeting was of a philosophical one.

I was going back to Scotland after my October holidays, being all sad and weary on the stenaline bus. Off comes the hero with a shoulder bag on one hand and an apple core on the other. Sitting in the ferry, looking out of the window and embracing my philosophical side, I asked Sterry a thought provoking question. “what do you see out of the window”. The reply I got left me in pure amazement. Ive heard a lot of philiosphical explanations and thoughts in my life, but what I heard from him that day has to be the one that will always get me through life. Taking a deep breath, looking out of the window, he said “ I see doses and sambar”. Love at first sight guys love at first sight.

Everyone will have that one person in life who will bring out the best in that person. Sterry is that person for me. Couple of months past this coincidental yet enlightening journey, he asked me to join him for a coffee on a cold January morning. Now I’ve never been on a “coffee” with a person” like that, so I did not know what to expect. I mean I had a lot of guy friends but I never had a coffee with anyone, so naturally I was nervous about meeting an opposite gender for a coffee. Don’t really remember much of our conversation but what I do remember most and will remember for potentially the rest of my life is how he commented about my eyebrows. So the conversation went like this “whoever did your eyebrows, did not do a good job. They aren’t equal.” I stayed silent I went home and looked into the mirror, closely examined my eyebrows, and the only thing I could think of was I cannot believe I spent a whole of 10 minutes doing my eyebrows for this guy!! But because of this incident, I learnt the art of mastering my eyebrows and it’s all thanks to his honest feedback. Told you he’s brought the best in me.

We’ve been through some good times and bad times. Good times that make your love even more special and bad times that make your love grow stronger tests your relationship. I’d like to share a bad time I faced in our relationship recently, I hope it’s not too personal. So last week, I went through a real trial and temptation. Hardest time of our marriage. Last week, Sterry had a cold. A cold that resulted in severe amount of snoring. Snoring that kept me awake, snoring that made me poke him several times, snoring that made me look up on Google how to get used to snoring, snoring that made me do a lot of unusual things. Long story short, after what it seemed like the longest and toughest two of hours of my life, the storm calmed down, literally and it taught me a biggest lesson in marriage. There will always be loud snoring in marriages that will cause some sleepless nights, but if your love is stronger than the snoring, you will always surpass all the snoring in the marriage.

In all seriousness, regardless of the hard core feminist in me, who did not favour marriage, I found a not too bad guy, thanks to my mother’s constant prayers, candles, and intervention. Like everyone, I had my insecurities about relationships and marriage. But honestly speaking, the 6 years with him brought out a woman in me who can be stronger with her man, confident in herself and her abilities, gives me the courage to go on in life, inspires me or pushes me to work hard and teaches me to be patient.

When my mum phoned me last month, out of nowhere she asked me you’re really happy aren’t you achu, n I said ‘yeah’, ‘I am actually’. It’s often difficult for a human being to feel content in life in this day and age. But tonight, standing here in front of all you close family and friends, some missing, I can honestly say that I’m content in life. I am happy that I have a dad who gives me the ‘go ahead’ signal on life and dreams, I’m honoured to have a mother who has given me her compassionate side and sacrificed the life for us; sisters who are the most amazing people in my life; bestest friends who are more than I deserve, and in-laws who has made me one of them the minute they met me. Thank you to all you guys for being part of our lives, for helping us get here. We hope you can stay with us as we continue the journey of happily ever after life.’

Happy 21st Baby girl

 

When she was born, I don’t remember how she looked like
Nor do I remember the first time I saw her,
or the first time I held her in my arms.
I do however remember the first word (or one of the first words) she said,
And how chubby she looked.

Living miles apart from each other,
She was a holiday treat for us older sisters.
She walked funny and talked funny
But then again, what was I to know, I was only 5

Fast forward three years, she came to live with us.
A crying baby who missed the grandmother who looked after her all those years.
Since then, she became my possession, a personal project.
And my little person.

Ammachi carried her everywhere and fed her things
I didn’t mind at all.
After school, we rushed home to see her playing in the front garden.
It was an unusual but soon becoming a pleasing sight for us older sisters.

Soon enough, she started going to school.
To our school.
A tiny body in a tiny  cream blouse and a brown coloured frilled frock
With side parted hair and rather short fringe,
She was a fragile little thing lost in Carmel Academy’s school uniform.

Being always subjected to change, and having no one she can trust,
She cried.
Every time she felt scared.

It was 4 pm, and I wasn’t done with my exam
I went up to my teacher to ask her permission to go out for 5 minutes
Luckily, she allowed

I got out of the exam hall to find her
And I did.
Waiting under the big mango tree, weeping.
She looked so weak and fragile,
The 8 year old me felt crumbled
And the sight never faded in my mind till this day.

Birthdays, anniversaries and other  occassions, we celebrated them all.
Hide and seeks, House, and other myriad games, we played them all.
I grew up, Anji grew up, and she grew up with us.
Life kept on bringing us and her changes, a lot and lot of changes.

One of these changes left us in Belfast one fine morning.
She started going to the nearby primary school, St Josephs.
Mummy was so worried about  her that she went to the school at lunch time to check up on her.
She’d already made her first friend, and apparently shared her lunch with her new friend?

Fast forward few years, She joined us in our high school
Again, side parted hair, with no fringe this time, thank goodness
In a grey jumper, tie, blazer, skirt and tights,
A nerdy little first year Indian kid I saw

Being a green blazer myself, a so called ‘cool’ 6th year,
I avoided her every time she walked past me with her friends
and enthusiastically waved at me.

Then one day, I hear her speak at the school assembly
About how Christmas used to be in India

And saw her holding up an umbrella for a short guy,
from my health and social care class.

Again, time kept moving forward.
And it took me to  Scotland for Uni
And Anji to Liverpool
We came back home with plus ones.

Life hasn’t always been mild on her
It brought changes after changes into her life
But she didn’t crumble
In fact,
The fragile girl with the awful side fringe kept toughening up
Without anyone else beside her.

And today, she stands as a strong, independent woman,
With a mind that does not waver easily, annoying for some, especially me.
A family that is well proud of her
A best friend who dots her
Brother in-laws who fight for her attention and approval.

All these years, all these events and all these changes,
Left her to become an amazing young adult
However,
She is still  my possession and my personal project.

And forever my little person.

Happy 21st baby

Time and change

Before you know, it will be time to say good bye to 2016. How are the years flying, I still have no idea! Whilst every hour, every month and year is slipping away from your grip without your consent, I refused to believe that a part of me is leaving with time. Truth is though, whether I admit it or not, I’m getting old . So is everything and everyone else around me. We are changing, physically and emotionally, everyday.

My sisters have grown up and entering different phases in their lives;my parents are getting old even if i refuse to acknowledge any signs; my other-half is growing into a family man, my friends are getting married,having babies, getting separated  or moving away; and my grand parents, well i’m just grateful for every extra day that they get to see!

Change is inevitable! And it scares me, like everyone else!  Whilst I’m still stuck in the past, thinking of the ‘good-old’ times, time is moving forward and it is bringing in loads and loads of changes in everyone and everything. I’ve got two choices: a, be stuck in the past and be bitter about change; b, move forward with time.

I choose the latter, not with a lot of enthusiasm but with pain. I will move forward, taking my memories along with me and not losing track of the things that I were. I will also be reminded of the story of the eagle that transformed itself rather painfully when time plays it tricks on me.

I do my own thing; sometimes I regret it, sometimes I don’t!

8 long months, so much has happened. Quit my job, decided to live with parents and sisters for three months before getting hitched, got hitched, moved to Edinburgh, started the new journey as a ‘wife’, decided to try out a new career path and now in search of ‘success’.

But what I do need to remember is that the key to success is trying, knowing that you have tried, admitting that you have tried, being content with your trials, taking breaks, saying ‘thank you’s and appreciating the opportunity to try.

 

Here’s to endless trying!

The seagulls and I

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Came out for a little run. It started raining after a while so I decided to sit in the car with ‘tea and toast’ on repeat. There were plenty of people here when I came here but now it’s just me and the seagulls. We are merely sitting here and contemplating life. The only difference between us now is that they are saying ‘me me me’ and I’m thinking ‘me me me’.

Doing the wrong thing is the right thing to do at times

We live in a society where we tend to stick to what provides us comfort and ignore the rest. We choose what’s best for us and then ‘mind our own business’

I came home from work, open the door and I see an envelope lying about with a familiar handwriting on it. I open it and it’s a red cross inspirational card inside. It goes

“(my name)

I am a believer now in trying to do what you can for people around you. You made me believe that. I hope that the good you do, try to do and will do gives you the strength and hope to carry on with your vocation no matter what the hardships. I pray to God that he blesses you with courage and happiness. But perhaps that’s why he has made me. To top up your courage and happiness when the going gets hard.
Do remember
You make me very proud. Every day, every minute, every second

(My man’s name)”

After a long day at work, sure this is a nice thing to come home to. So I left it at my window side. I went back and picked it up to read it again. And that’s when I heard a man’s raised voice. It was the guy next door arguing with his partner. They had their door opened and we have a thin wall so I heard everything (and because I eavesdropped as well-guilty as charged!) The story was that they were breaking up and he asked her if she was going to leave the flat. I could hear the girl’s distant cry. He left the flat after that.

Me being the busybody I am, wanted to bolt down there and see if she was ok. But of course I didn’t. Because I’m a sensible girl! So I sought my mans approval. I presented the case to him. The first thing he said was “you’re not going over”. He does know me eh?! He reminded me that its not right and its someone’s personal life. He was right. He asked me if I’d like it if it was me. I said yes. I was right.
I said to him that I’m going over and I did.

The girl surprisingly took my meddling in business quite well. We had a bit of chat about what happened and she made up her mind. I apologised for prying into her life but she said it had helped her. I offered her a hug AND my Malteser easter egg(big sacrifice for me!). She was receptive towards both of them and I felt great.

I phoned my man back and said what had happened. I begged for credits and I got them. That’s when I said to him that sometimes doing the wrong thing is what’s right. I always had the heart to be there for strangers but never the courage.But Now I do and I am glad I do because my courage brought me immense happiness just there. My man’s prayer to God was certainly answered quickly.

He said he loves me and is proud of me for doing the wrong thing
I said I love him and proud of him for making me me

If we never had that conversation, I would have slept on that thought. If he never sent me that card, I would’ve never known that what it is that I’m made of. They say right things happen at the right times and I say they are right.

Sometimes its easier to get cooped up into our own little den, mind our own business and pretend like we don’t notice the awkward things that happen around us. Unfortunately, its come to the point where that is what’s best for us and the ‘right’ thing to do- minding our own business!

But if you ask me, a little bit of ‘minding’, eavesdropping and hugging wouldn’t do much harm to the world.

And if you ask Jesus, he would say that you should love your neighbour as you love yourself

He who loved the snow!

Photo Credit: Driveway Sledding by Jessie

dscn7219-2sm0I met you.. got to know you..got close to you. We were quite a pair. Staying up and talking all night was a tradition that we created for us. You used to stay in the bathroom to get a ‘good reception’ and you never failed to make me laugh with your wild jokes/statements. One of which was about the Arabic girls having really hairy legs. I have no idea what that was about but it always cracked me up.

You were there for me through thick and thin. When I was down, you were down. You were incapable of cheering me up. And I’m glad you never tried. You were really terrible at cheering someone up and lacked the ability to do so. You, however, knew how to be part of someone’s sadness or misery. You were always there to console others when things weren’t going so great.

You taught me to act confident even if I weren’t feeling confident. You told me that I was beautiful. The 16-year-old insecure me called you crazy. You laughed, I blushed!

dscn7232-2smAs we started pursuing our higher studies, dreams, and love life; the picture of ‘us’ started fading away. The space between us grew wider. It was when you phoned me up to tell me that you passed your driving test, I realised that we rarely had time for each other any more. We were growing up without each other. It was wrong. I should have called you up. I should have checked how things were going with your life. I should have told you about the amazing man I found for myself. I should have asked you about the girl/s you were dating at that time. But I didn’t. I didn’t call you up. I didn’t check up on you. And I regret that, more than anything else in this world.

When she phoned me up and said that you passed away, I did not believe her. How could I?! I convinced myself that it was another guy we knew who had the same name as you. I phoned her back. I asked her if it was that guy. All she said was ‘I’m so sorry’. I cried and cried and cried. I was helpless. Everything went wrong. Crying was the only thing I could do right.

People ask me what it is that I had with you. I don’t have an answer to give them. You were like a brother, a lover, a friend, and an enemy, all at once. How do I explain that to someone God only knows?! The night that I learnt about your departure from this world, my better half who never had a chance to meet you asked me to tell him about you. He wanted to know what you were like. And I said, ‘he was an annoying brat who made a lot of girls cry, who made racist jokes, someone who drove me and a lot of others crazy, he disliked dating ‘angelic girls’ but he loved the snow’

dscn7240-2smYou weren’t the perfect being on earth but you were the most care free person. You talked so freely, walked so freely, loved life and the snow.

3 years this week, but the memories I had with you stay as fresh as the snow. And when the snow does fall, I look up the sky, I imagine you looking down on me with a cheeky grin on your face. I still hate the snow I’ll have you know. But I hope you love it up there amongst the clouds, cunningly planning to send the snow down on me to annoy me, creating a lot of havoc for the heavenly members and dating a lot of not angelic girls but angels themselves.

Weekly Writing Challenge

I’m stressed!

Stressed because I got my first ever parking ticket
Stressed because I didn’t have a nice parking spot left at the work car parkStressed because I had to sit through a 2 hour meeting
Stressed because work is piling up
Stressed because my painting didn’t look as nice as the service user or other workers
Stressed because I couldn’t get out of the car park
Stressed because my car kept making funny noises
Stressed because I couldn’t open the door to my house
Stressed because I kept getting irritated when talking to me man
Stressed because the microwave didn’t work
Stressed because I couldn’t be bothered to eat or take a shower
Stressed because internet is slow
Stressed because its cold
Then I come across Mr Jones, and I’m not stressed anymore. I’m laughing! Miracle it is!

“Next time you’re in Asda, – keep up with the Jones’s ….

Dear Mrs Jones,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Jones, are listed below and are “documented by our video surveillance cameras”:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Homewares to go off at 5- minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s toilets.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Homewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Customer Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of crisps.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department – to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the toy department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Whole Store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘ Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. October 6: In the autoparts department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. October 23: Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was. And last, but not least:

16. October 24: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the Staff passed out”

And now, I shall get to my dinner and shower. All is well man all is well