The seagulls and I

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Came out for a little run. It started raining after a while so I decided to sit in the car with ‘tea and toast’ on repeat. There were plenty of people here when I came here but now it’s just me and the seagulls. We are merely sitting here and contemplating life. The only difference between us now is that they are saying ‘me me me’ and I’m thinking ‘me me me’.

Doing the wrong thing is the right thing to do at times

We live in a society where we tend to stick to what provides us comfort and ignore the rest. We choose what’s best for us and then ‘mind our own business’

I came home from work, open the door and I see an envelope lying about with a familiar handwriting on it. I open it and it’s a red cross inspirational card inside. It goes

“(my name)

I am a believer now in trying to do what you can for people around you. You made me believe that. I hope that the good you do, try to do and will do gives you the strength and hope to carry on with your vocation no matter what the hardships. I pray to God that he blesses you with courage and happiness. But perhaps that’s why he has made me. To top up your courage and happiness when the going gets hard.
Do remember
You make me very proud. Every day, every minute, every second

(My man’s name)”

After a long day at work, sure this is a nice thing to come home to. So I left it at my window side. I went back and picked it up to read it again. And that’s when I heard a man’s raised voice. It was the guy next door arguing with his partner. They had their door opened and we have a thin wall so I heard everything (and because I eavesdropped as well-guilty as charged!) The story was that they were breaking up and he asked her if she was going to leave the flat. I could hear the girl’s distant cry. He left the flat after that.

Me being the busybody I am, wanted to bolt down there and see if she was ok. But of course I didn’t. Because I’m a sensible girl! So I sought my mans approval. I presented the case to him. The first thing he said was “you’re not going over”. He does know me eh?! He reminded me that its not right and its someone’s personal life. He was right. He asked me if I’d like it if it was me. I said yes. I was right.
I said to him that I’m going over and I did.

The girl surprisingly took my meddling in business quite well. We had a bit of chat about what happened and she made up her mind. I apologised for prying into her life but she said it had helped her. I offered her a hug AND my Malteser easter egg(big sacrifice for me!). She was receptive towards both of them and I felt great.

I phoned my man back and said what had happened. I begged for credits and I got them. That’s when I said to him that sometimes doing the wrong thing is what’s right. I always had the heart to be there for strangers but never the courage.But Now I do and I am glad I do because my courage brought me immense happiness just there. My man’s prayer to God was certainly answered quickly.

He said he loves me and is proud of me for doing the wrong thing
I said I love him and proud of him for making me me

If we never had that conversation, I would have slept on that thought. If he never sent me that card, I would’ve never known that what it is that I’m made of. They say right things happen at the right times and I say they are right.

Sometimes its easier to get cooped up into our own little den, mind our own business and pretend like we don’t notice the awkward things that happen around us. Unfortunately, its come to the point where that is what’s best for us and the ‘right’ thing to do- minding our own business!

But if you ask me, a little bit of ‘minding’, eavesdropping and hugging wouldn’t do much harm to the world.

And if you ask Jesus, he would say that you should love your neighbour as you love yourself

He who loved the snow!

Photo Credit: Driveway Sledding by Jessie

dscn7219-2sm0I met you.. got to know you..got close to you. We were quite a pair. Staying up and talking all night was a tradition that we created for us. You used to stay in the bathroom to get a ‘good reception’ and you never failed to make me laugh with your wild jokes/statements. One of which was about the Arabic girls having really hairy legs. I have no idea what that was about but it always cracked me up.

You were there for me through thick and thin. When I was down, you were down. You were incapable of cheering me up. And I’m glad you never tried. You were really terrible at cheering someone up and lacked the ability to do so. You, however, knew how to be part of someone’s sadness or misery. You were always there to console others when things weren’t going so great.

You taught me to act confident even if I weren’t feeling confident. You told me that I was beautiful. The 16-year-old insecure me called you crazy. You laughed, I blushed!

dscn7232-2smAs we started pursuing our higher studies, dreams, and love life; the picture of ‘us’ started fading away. The space between us grew wider. It was when you phoned me up to tell me that you passed your driving test, I realised that we rarely had time for each other any more. We were growing up without each other. It was wrong. I should have called you up. I should have checked how things were going with your life. I should have told you about the amazing man I found for myself. I should have asked you about the girl/s you were dating at that time. But I didn’t. I didn’t call you up. I didn’t check up on you. And I regret that, more than anything else in this world.

When she phoned me up and said that you passed away, I did not believe her. How could I?! I convinced myself that it was another guy we knew who had the same name as you. I phoned her back. I asked her if it was that guy. All she said was ‘I’m so sorry’. I cried and cried and cried. I was helpless. Everything went wrong. Crying was the only thing I could do right.

People ask me what it is that I had with you. I don’t have an answer to give them. You were like a brother, a lover, a friend, and an enemy, all at once. How do I explain that to someone God only knows?! The night that I learnt about your departure from this world, my better half who never had a chance to meet you asked me to tell him about you. He wanted to know what you were like. And I said, ‘he was an annoying brat who made a lot of girls cry, who made racist jokes, someone who drove me and a lot of others crazy, he disliked dating ‘angelic girls’ but he loved the snow’

dscn7240-2smYou weren’t the perfect being on earth but you were the most care free person. You talked so freely, walked so freely, loved life and the snow.

3 years this week, but the memories I had with you stay as fresh as the snow. And when the snow does fall, I look up the sky, I imagine you looking down on me with a cheeky grin on your face. I still hate the snow I’ll have you know. But I hope you love it up there amongst the clouds, cunningly planning to send the snow down on me to annoy me, creating a lot of havoc for the heavenly members and dating a lot of not angelic girls but angels themselves.

Weekly Writing Challenge

I’m stressed!

Stressed because I got my first ever parking ticket
Stressed because I didn’t have a nice parking spot left at the work car parkStressed because I had to sit through a 2 hour meeting
Stressed because work is piling up
Stressed because my painting didn’t look as nice as the service user or other workers
Stressed because I couldn’t get out of the car park
Stressed because my car kept making funny noises
Stressed because I couldn’t open the door to my house
Stressed because I kept getting irritated when talking to me man
Stressed because the microwave didn’t work
Stressed because I couldn’t be bothered to eat or take a shower
Stressed because internet is slow
Stressed because its cold
Then I come across Mr Jones, and I’m not stressed anymore. I’m laughing! Miracle it is!

“Next time you’re in Asda, – keep up with the Jones’s ….

Dear Mrs Jones,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Jones, are listed below and are “documented by our video surveillance cameras”:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Homewares to go off at 5- minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s toilets.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Homewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Customer Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of crisps.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department – to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the toy department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Whole Store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘ Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. October 6: In the autoparts department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. October 23: Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was. And last, but not least:

16. October 24: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the Staff passed out”

And now, I shall get to my dinner and shower. All is well man all is well

 

Shadow’s weep

Ok this was another request from someone who was very eager to know what my previous blog entailed.He was also the one who ‘LOL’ed at his work after knowing my previous blog’s title :/
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Shadow’s Weep

I’ve been born as a nobody to you
No matter where you go, I always follow you
I was there when you first entered this world
And I’ll be there when you leave this place

I was there when you learnt to walk,
I was there when you first stood on your feet
You screamed at me, scolded me,
and complained to your mum that I was following you
You were scared of me, ashamed of my presence
But I never stopped following you
When you were going through your lowest
I followed you quietly
Whenever you felt lonely and needed someone by your side
you didn’t see me standing behind you
When you were scared and sad
I followed you saying I was there

Let me ask you something though,
If one day, I suddenly disappear out of your world
Would you really care?
Would your world still be the same?

The ultimate truth, however, is
Even if you do everything to get rid of me
I won’t and can’t let go of you
Because I am and will always be your shadow!

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Archie you’re silly, Magic does not exist!

Someone very coldly and confidently said to me, ‘Archie you’re silly, magic does not exist!. The expert was right about one thing,Archie is silly but not about magic. Because, magic exists,,it exists just like the wind, the rain and the universe.

Magic is when you meet someone you never expected to meet and falling in love with that person,
Magic is when you see a new-born baby being born in to this big wide world.
Magic is in laughter and in pain; in the sun than makes you smile and in the rain that soothes your pain
Magic is when you see children fighting for their share
and when you see couples showing their care
Magic is everywhere; it is happiness, in pain, in suffering, in depression
In every possible human emotion one might experience

And of course, explaining what magic is  to the 5 year old who says
‘Archie, you’re silly, there’s no magic’
With a smile and “You’re right”
is indeed magic!

Endless Love part 3

Ok so heres the last part (meh I took long!)
The man I’m going to talk next is someone who made me think a lot. When I met him, he was unshaven, had cold and emotionless eyes and looked very grumpy. I observed him everyday. He wore the same clothes everyday, was angry all the time,  and apparently was violent to staff. It was indeed with a bit of fear that I approached  him at first. Needless to say that we got on just fine. He, for some reasons didnt talk much (may be its because I never gave him a chance) but I knew that he enjoyed my company. And then one day, when we were sitting in the lounge room, he pointed at couple of paintings that were hung there and said to me that he drew them. I went to myself  ‘yeah right, his dementia is bad’ but said to him ”That is absolutely gorgeous, I wish I was that talented’.

He kept on going about this for sometime. Therefore, I decided to check this with the head nurse. To which, she replied ‘did you not know? He is one of THE most famous artist in Scotland’. Apparently, his paintings are kept in almost all the famous museums in Scotland. He had received tremendous amount of recognition for his amazing work and used to train Prince Harry/Williams (I forgot about this one!)

I couldn’t believe any of these. The way he was made it impossible for me to believe it. Nevertheless, I had asked him to draw something for me. I promised him that I  will keep it safe for ever. With a little reluctance, he took the paper and pencil off my hand. He started drawing. I giggled a bit when I realised he was drawing me. He completed the picture but when I looked at it I didn’t see a  picture of me. It kind of looked like a doodle of a 3 year old. But it was enough for me. I jotted something on the back of it, dated + timed it and kept it safe in my purse as promised.

The three parts of Endless Love had one thing in common: Eternal and Endless Love. In Endless one, the man had Eternal and Endless love for his best friend, Endless 2 was about a couple who had Endless and Eternal love for each other…and Endless 3 was about a man who had Endless and Eternal love for his passion. He gave up everything for it and it was everything for him. Although his dementia caused him to forget about everything else in his life, he never once forgotten about what was important to him: his passion for drawing. Due to his deteriorating mental and physical health, he was incapable of taking a pencil and drawing the beautiful world he used to be familiar with. His world was not so beautiful any more. It is dark and that was the main reason why he was agitated and angry. But instead of frowning upon it like every other staff did, I admired him for that. Although he realised that there was no way for him to be like how he was before, he still fought. He still dared to take that pencil off me and draw, he becomes angry with people who don’t try to understand him, his passion!
I hope I get to be like him one day and be utterly passionate about my dreams and passion.
I do not know if he’s still in this world or the other world…but here’s to the most inspiring and courageous man I have met in my life. Paying respect to you wherever you are!

Ps: I still have the pic he drew for me in my purse. If one day, I ever figure out how to + be bothered (I don’t sound very passionate there do I? ;)}about putting that up here, I will

Endless Love part 2

Ok this story is worth mentioning as well. The same setting, same placement and similar story as described below. But the characters in this context are slightly different- they were husband and wife: Jack and Joan (Confidentiality alert: No one is at risk of being harmed by mentioning names!)

One lovely couple these 2 were. Jack was a Scottish man aged around 92 and Joan was an English lady who was 80ish. They both have been together for around 60 years and the relationship they had was quite surreal. They amazed me so much that walking/running  20 mins to catch a 40 mins train early in the morning and walking 20 mins from the train station there to work felt like an ice cream on a hot summer day. Their only daughter was in America and so they treated me like their daughter (Joan used to say I reminded her of her daughter!). Even though they both suffered from mild dementia; they smiled, sang songs together, laughed, made others laugh, held hands together and were beyond amazing. When it was summer time and the daffodils were around, Joan always used to say in her English accent’look at the daffodils, arent they just lovely’?!

So, as usual,wanting  these 2 lovely characters to stay alive in me, I wrote couple of words to remind myself of how they were. Here it goes:-

‘Let’s go back to the memories one more time
Hold my hand tight, close your eyes and trust me
There’s no other better place to be!
Do you remember when I first asked you to dance dear?
Oh it was a beautiful night indeed!
And you looked gorgeous by the way
How I remember it all crystal clear
That night never loses it fragrances…’

I left this unfinished. I had no clue why. After almost year, I worked up the courage to go back and visit everyone. I saw Joan in the dining room. She didn’t have that ‘glow’ she had before. She of course didn’t (and wouldn’t have) recognise me. I asked the nurse nearby where Jack was. She whispered to me that Jack passed away. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It’s an old age home with fragile elderly people. Death is not an unknown guest there. But still, my heart stank and I understood why I never finished the poem!

ps: There will be a part 3! Theres something else that ought to be mentioned! 😉

Endless Love

I needed some major distraction from my work that is due in tomorrow. And so I opened my old journals and found some things I jotted down ages ago. I really liked one in particular as it brought a lot of memories back. I guess I can put it up here for anyone who is interested in having a little nosy.

The first one is titled ‘Endless Love’. I wrote this when I was on placement in an elderly care setting. This is about 2 best friends who were around 85. The lady was residing in this setting and was unable to talk or communicate her feelings. She was  also diagnosed with dementia. She had a best friend named ‘Bill’. Bill used to visit her EVERY single day bringing her flowers or cakes. Bill told me that there was nothing between them and they were good friends. But the staff there believed that Bill might have loved this lovely lady. So here goes the few words I wrote down back then in order to remind myself of these 2 special characters after some years

Endless Love
No matter how many years its been, I will still look
at you the same way I used to look at you 40 years ago
The eyes that taught me to look at the world with hope
will still be the brightest stars in my sky
Days passed, months passed, years passed;
Yet the love I have for you remains untouched!

-Your bestest friend Bill

I don’t know what I can call these words. But these few words were used for myself to be reminded of the unconditional and selfless loves this gentleman had for that lovely woman irrespective of her current condition or for not accepting Bill’s love in the past. One can only wish to be like this gentleman!

A little girl’s little life

I had the privilege of talking to a 5-year-old legend regarding her life. It seems like she has got it all figured out. She knows who she wants to get married to (they both even had ‘the’ conversation!), she wants to have 2 children and has a verbal contract with her best friend about babysitting her children AND her husband when she goes for work. I, along with my middle sister sure did laugh at her a little  when she was sharing her dreams about her life. But now when I’m sitting in my bed with my cup of tea, trying to figure out what my next step should entail, I cant help but feel ashamed. A 5-year-old knows what she wants to have in life. She doesn’t know if this is surely going to happen.  Others laugh at her when she talks about her future but the ultimate truth is that the knows and is proud of what she wants in her life. The girl took her first step and talked to the boy; the 22-year-old girl on the other hand is sitting on her bad, sipping her tea and waiting for the life to be perfect for her.

I guess, like this little girl, I hope I dream high and embrace whatever dreams I have in life. Instead of worrying, doubting or being ashamed about it,,go for it at full speed. Even if it seems impossible to achieve some of these dreams you have, as long as you keep dreaming,,it will indeed be all right. I think now is a good time to recite my  favourite quote of my favourite author Paulo Coelho

“Dreams provide nourishment for the soul, just as a meal does for the body. Many times in our lives we see our dreams shattered and our desires frustrated, but we have to continue dreaming and if we don’t, our soul dies!”

Heres to our un-ending dreams!