So, husband away for night shift, and I decide to be productive and get some work done.I put South Indian Musician A. R Rahman’s melodious songs on loads of work gets done whilst the south Indian in me deeply embraces the music. Then comes the song ‘Nila Kaaigarathu’. Out of nowhere, water works starts flowing and it wouldn’t stop. This is a song that my sister likes and used to sing all the time, much to my annoyance I’d like to add.
For me, she’s always been that annoying and naggy Anji, someone I make fun of relentlessly, someone I fight with and not talk to for days, someone who’s stubbornness could kill the world.We kept doing each other’s head in for the past 25 years I don’t know how time went by and suddenly, she is this strong, independent and an amazing woman who is about to someones wife in 7 months.
All my life, I never had any issues talking to anyone or making effort with anyone. Her Fiance, a lovely man who cannot be faulted for being in love with my sister had been a good friend till now. However, for the past couple of weeks, out of nowhere, I started feeling some resentment towards him and finding it difficult to talk to him. All I could think of if ‘he is Anji’s man, her husband-to-be, someone i’m going to share her with’. And I cant for the life of me get past my attachment issues with my sister and move forward which is very unlikely of me. May be its the fear that he is going to love her more that I love her, take care of her better than I did, protect her more than I ever could.
Its often easier for a friend to tell another friend how much they mean to them; a girlfriend to tell her boyfriend ‘thanks for having my back’; and for a wife to tell her husband ‘I’m so glad you are in my life and I wouldn’t know where I’d be if I didn’t have you in my life’. To tell all these to your family?, your sister?, that’s certainly not easy.
Anji is that person who has been there your whole life that you cannot ever express how grateful you are for her sharing her food with you, for being protective of us and wanting to beat people up when they treat us bad, for buying you clothes, for speaking up to people on behalf of you and for just being her. Words would never do any justice if I were to tell her how important she is to me or the kind of role she plays in my life. Instead, I choose what any other sane individual out there would choose and not say a word and continue to do her head in, effortlessly.