Life Motto Revelations

It’s often difficult to take new steps in life. I’ve been dying to get myself back into dance this year. It was getting to the stage where it was shameful to think, never mind say to someone, that I once used to do some dancing. I lack confidence on the dance floor and find it easier to just say ‘I suck at dance’ and just do my usual chicken dancing. But today, I went for my first dance lesson. I was rather anxious to go there, do the dancing, meet new people etc.  Life motto No 1: ‘If the thought of doing something makes you nervous, do exactly just that.’ I did just that and I’m glad I did.

Now the dancing lesson was intense and I somehow managed bits n bobs. It did not improve my dancing or confidence right away, and I don’t know if it ever will (although I’m hoping it will otherwise world will be a darker place with my chicken dance!). What it did do was make me reiterate my life motto no 2: ‘be what you want to be’ and implement it. I did just that and I’m glad I did.

The joys of a Girl with uterus

My better-half caught me whilst I was being sneaky about something on my phone. ‘What is it?’ he asked. ‘Nothing’, I promptly answered. He grew more and more suspicious which left me with no choice but to be honest about what I was doing. ‘Its a menstrual cycle tracker, and  I  er…was er…updating my er…mood today’. ‘What was your mood today?’ he curiously asked. ‘I er.. put it down as er.. sensitive’, I shyly mumbled. ‘Ahhh so I have to be careful then eh?’ he cheekily asked.

He also thought it was the best time to share his observation about how my motivational level fluctuates everyday; how I’m ready to take on the world one day and the next I’m ready to take on nothing but my bed. His motivational level however stays the same everyday (Annoying, I know!). I reluctantly agreed to what he said and added  that sometimes my body is very weak and I have low energy, especially near to my ‘special days’. I felt very sheepish when I used the good old ‘the-joy-of-being-a-girl-with-uterus’ phrase.

I analysed the problem here as I went to bed

  1. To experience the body changes and the mood swings that you have absolutely no control over
  2. Being ashamed of actually admitting it to people
  3. Being disappointed in not being productive and blaming yourself as being lazy.

..and I fell asleep.

This morning though, My alarm who does NOT have ANY sort of mood swings or low energy problems woke up at sharp at 8 and woke me up at sharp at. I cursed everything under the sky for waking up, my body feels like a wrecked train and my mind feels like its in a vegetative state. My morning thoughts included: ‘I shouldn’t have no dreams, I don’t need to achieve anything, I’m not ambitious, strong or passionate as I think I am. I should just binge-watch a corny tv series and finish the 4 packets of watsits and 3 bars of toblerone that’s in the kitchen. But its a looooong way from here. And here it begins,  ‘The joy of being a girl with uterus’

Approximately at about 8.40, I thought to myself ‘I aint no girl with a uterus,  I a woman’. A woman with uterus. A woman who can woman up even though her uterus is being a ‘beesh’ to her. So I downloaded a productivity app, added simple tasks such as drinking water, having tea, tidying up room, praying etc on it; every ticks I had acquired beside the simple tasks motivated me to pursue and achieve bigger tasks.

Long story short, I finished all those 4 packets of watsits and the toblerone that was in the kitchen, but I replaced them with an amazing chicken roast and a rather delicious banana loaf I made.

AND I got myself a big tick for writing this blog post.

Not bad at all for a girl sorry woman with uterus.

 

‘I hate that I love you’

Chores undone,,, room unclean,,, food not cooked! I’m lying here listening to this Rihanna song over and over again.  Cant help but think how well I can relate to this song right now. I don’t think its very ideal for me to feel this way about this song. But I do and I’m gutted that I do.

I love you so much that I can’t live without you.You make me smile, you make me happy,you make me angry, you make me upset,,,but then, you know exactly how to touch and all of a sudden I forget that I was upset. Can’t remember what you did! It’s not fair how you take advantage of the fact that I love you beyond the reason why. I hate that I love you!

The last time I was thinking of this song was when I started liking a cat. I used to be an anti-cat person but then I started adoring this cat. And so, I hated that I loved that cat. Now though, it’s not a cat or a man,,,its my work!

I hate that I love my work so much.

I don’t have the ability to stop. I don’t have the courage to leave work at work. I take it home. I struggle to sleep, eat and get on with my life. I feel depressed thinking that my work might never work on the young offenders (not a PC term now but ah well) I work with. I worry about what they are getting up-to each night. I feel sad that they feel unloved and unimportant.

But then I realise, there’s someone here who is thinking of them,  fighting for them, and willing to go miles for them. These young people are important to this person and to others who work with them.

And for that reason alone, I love love love that I love my work so much.

I’m stressed!

Stressed because I got my first ever parking ticket
Stressed because I didn’t have a nice parking spot left at the work car parkStressed because I had to sit through a 2 hour meeting
Stressed because work is piling up
Stressed because my painting didn’t look as nice as the service user or other workers
Stressed because I couldn’t get out of the car park
Stressed because my car kept making funny noises
Stressed because I couldn’t open the door to my house
Stressed because I kept getting irritated when talking to me man
Stressed because the microwave didn’t work
Stressed because I couldn’t be bothered to eat or take a shower
Stressed because internet is slow
Stressed because its cold
Then I come across Mr Jones, and I’m not stressed anymore. I’m laughing! Miracle it is!

“Next time you’re in Asda, – keep up with the Jones’s ….

Dear Mrs Jones,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Jones, are listed below and are “documented by our video surveillance cameras”:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Homewares to go off at 5- minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s toilets.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Homewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Customer Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of crisps.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department – to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the toy department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Whole Store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘ Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. October 6: In the autoparts department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. October 23: Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was. And last, but not least:

16. October 24: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the Staff passed out”

And now, I shall get to my dinner and shower. All is well man all is well

 

The little candle

Been a while since I posted something here! Will start with a video then! A very beautiful one indeed! There are times when everyone is affected by darkness. Various kind of darkness! And it sure will be hard to see the things around, walk, feel, think or do anything that you want to. One will be so darn lost BUT after a while (in some cases a loooong while) there will appear a tiny little candle. The little candle’ will spread its light around and work wonders for us. This kid right here is that little candle for many one might say due to his innocence and his intelligence. I hope this child stays the same, not get affected by the evilness of this world when he grows up and continue to touch everyones heart

No title!

WARNING:  Graphic ***footage! **
It’s NOT NOT NOT for the faint heart’d!

My stomach churned as I watched this video! I’m gutted that there are people like these exist in this world! I’m also wondering whether they would be able to live normally after doing what they done to this child!
In a way. I’m glad that this child is now in a safe place where she doesn’t have to suffer any more because of inhumane and selfish behaviour of people!!
Rest in peace sweet thing!

Annoying voice!

I’ve been ‘trying’ to change myself and not be overly lazy over the past couple of days(!). My attempts were successful when I made the effort to wake up before 9 am everyday (it’s a big deal for me man!) and getting around doing some things that were meant to be done.

I went to bed around 2-ish last night. When I went to bed, I said to myself that I’m going to have an easy day today and wake up late. However, at 7 am this morning, my mother knocked on my door to ask me if I wanted to drop her off at work. I said ‘no’ and turned to the other side. (My father was going to drop her off anyways). I was really tired as I didn’t get much sleep last night (hot weather!). My body, my mind and every bit in me was telling me not to get up and sleep some more. But something else in me told me to get up and drop my mother off. I don’t know what you call it, inner voice, good voice,,you know what,,,I’m going to call it the ‘annoying voice’. So I decided to listen to that annoying voice . I got up, got ready and dropped my mother off along with my father (who by the way constantly reminded me of my bad lane position (!))

The annoying voice got its way again when I listened and went to the nearby park for a run. After I was done with the run, shower and everything…I came up to my room and came across the ‘Marley and Me’ movie scene. I’ve never seen this. I had this urge to watch it. The domineering voice of annoying voice took over my desire to watch it. Instead, I took Paulo Coelho’s ‘Pilgrimage’ that I never managed to finish, went down to the conservatory and read it for an hour with a cup of tea in me hand (Bliss!)

I read a lot of things from ‘The Pilgrimage’. One of which coincidently was about listening to your inner voice. This made me reflect on my actions and thoughts from 7 am this morning. If I hadn’t listened to the annoying voice, I would have slept till 1, get up, loaf about, and before I know I will be back in my bed again for a good night sleep. I won’t have anything to be proud of,  anything to smile about, anything to feel good about. And then, all I could do is just sigh and say ‘what a waste day this was’. These things are the easiest thing for me to do. Going with the ‘flow’ and just doing whatever. I aint going to lie, listening to and obeying the annoying fragile voice will take a bit or a lot of effort. BUT, when you do listen to it…you’re going to feel awfully  proud about yourself and will be in a terrific mood no matter how darn tired you are! The annoying and impassive voice is now telling me to go draw something. I guess I have to do as I’m told. Annoying!

The Strangers..The heroes

Whether we are taking a walk down the street or running down to the shop to get some junkies, or going for work,,we see a lot of people passing by. They are the ‘Strangers’ we meet. These strangers we often meet are nothing but ‘ordinary’ people just like us. Sadly, a  ‘hiya’ or a little smile is something that none of us can afford in this society currently. Consequently, we fail to give these strangers a smile and a hello. The negative effect of this is that we are losing out on these ‘strangers’ who could be  inspiring heroes full of life, smiles and stories. Give them a hi, a smile, a compliment,,what you get in return might even be the greatest lesson/experience you might cherish for ever. I’m saying it because I’ve been there.
Smiling widely and saying ‘hi’ to everyone I meet out there, even the little birds and dogs. You never know, I might learn a thing or two from them as well. Lessons all the way man 😉