Are you going to blog about it?

Are you going to blog about it?

Me: it was beautiful. We sat by the fire, enjoyed the view and did not talk much. There were smidges though

A2: Are you going to blog about it?

Me: Nah, I can’t be bothered

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Past, Present and Future

Past, present and future tenses…something we all were confused about when we were little. I didn’t understand it at all and when I did, I remember thinking it was a rather depressing idea to digest (I was a thinker from a young age!). You’ve lived in the past,  living in the present, and live for the future that is the tomorrow. How can a child ever be OK with that? Never mind the child, how can an adult (in my case ‘ch-adult’) be OK with that? I didn’t ever want the today to be a yesterday and tomorrow to be a today because as my middle sister once reminded me… 27/02/2013 00:24 will never come back in your life again. And it was depressing for me to be adjusted to that thinking.

But tonight, as I sat around the dining table with a kopparberg and a glass of my poor version of rum-wine-cider “cocktail” and reminiscence those good old days with my beloved father, adorable mother and lovable sisters, I thought to myself that it is my past that has gifted me with brilliant childhood memories. As I read the lovely message my handsome fiancé sent me (for the 100th time!), I realise that it is the future that I look forward to with hope and anticipation. And this kind of realisation that is occurring to me  currently is the present that I’ll be looking back with a smile on my  face. It’s not too bad after all as long as you spend each and every minute of your life with the knowledge that it will be something that you will wish to get back to once that minute is away.

Life comes with a lot of pain, sufferings and surprises at different times. Embrace it and realise that the time you have now right now in front of you will never be back once its gone. Darn it 27/07/2013 00:34 will never be back man! Depressed.com :/ Only kidding I’m not slurring!

“I’m All right”!

Ok so this is about this little man, who must have been around 3 (May be even younger than that!). He was riding his scooter thing. His dad and older sister were with him too. I noticed him from far away when me and my middle sister were walking back home . He had this adorable helmet  and glasses. When we went nearby he accidentally fell off his scooter thing {Men eh?;)}. I automatically went ‘Oh’. Before anyone asked him if he was ok he said ‘I’m al right’. Me and his dad asked him if he was ok. He got up on his feet and said again ‘I’m al right’. I smiled at him and said ‘You’re ok’
This little man made me and my sister laugh and say ‘He is so cute’. But in all seriousness, this little man taught me that its ok to fall down as long as you get up on your feet and say to the world and everyone around you that you’re all right. I hope I remember this gorgeous man when I fall down next.

Virtual kisses to the hero!

Endless Love part 2

Ok this story is worth mentioning as well. The same setting, same placement and similar story as described below. But the characters in this context are slightly different- they were husband and wife: Jack and Joan (Confidentiality alert: No one is at risk of being harmed by mentioning names!)

One lovely couple these 2 were. Jack was a Scottish man aged around 92 and Joan was an English lady who was 80ish. They both have been together for around 60 years and the relationship they had was quite surreal. They amazed me so much that walking/running  20 mins to catch a 40 mins train early in the morning and walking 20 mins from the train station there to work felt like an ice cream on a hot summer day. Their only daughter was in America and so they treated me like their daughter (Joan used to say I reminded her of her daughter!). Even though they both suffered from mild dementia; they smiled, sang songs together, laughed, made others laugh, held hands together and were beyond amazing. When it was summer time and the daffodils were around, Joan always used to say in her English accent’look at the daffodils, arent they just lovely’?!

So, as usual,wanting  these 2 lovely characters to stay alive in me, I wrote couple of words to remind myself of how they were. Here it goes:-

‘Let’s go back to the memories one more time
Hold my hand tight, close your eyes and trust me
There’s no other better place to be!
Do you remember when I first asked you to dance dear?
Oh it was a beautiful night indeed!
And you looked gorgeous by the way
How I remember it all crystal clear
That night never loses it fragrances…’

I left this unfinished. I had no clue why. After almost year, I worked up the courage to go back and visit everyone. I saw Joan in the dining room. She didn’t have that ‘glow’ she had before. She of course didn’t (and wouldn’t have) recognise me. I asked the nurse nearby where Jack was. She whispered to me that Jack passed away. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It’s an old age home with fragile elderly people. Death is not an unknown guest there. But still, my heart stank and I understood why I never finished the poem!

ps: There will be a part 3! Theres something else that ought to be mentioned! 😉

Endless Love

I needed some major distraction from my work that is due in tomorrow. And so I opened my old journals and found some things I jotted down ages ago. I really liked one in particular as it brought a lot of memories back. I guess I can put it up here for anyone who is interested in having a little nosy.

The first one is titled ‘Endless Love’. I wrote this when I was on placement in an elderly care setting. This is about 2 best friends who were around 85. The lady was residing in this setting and was unable to talk or communicate her feelings. She was  also diagnosed with dementia. She had a best friend named ‘Bill’. Bill used to visit her EVERY single day bringing her flowers or cakes. Bill told me that there was nothing between them and they were good friends. But the staff there believed that Bill might have loved this lovely lady. So here goes the few words I wrote down back then in order to remind myself of these 2 special characters after some years

Endless Love
No matter how many years its been, I will still look
at you the same way I used to look at you 40 years ago
The eyes that taught me to look at the world with hope
will still be the brightest stars in my sky
Days passed, months passed, years passed;
Yet the love I have for you remains untouched!

-Your bestest friend Bill

I don’t know what I can call these words. But these few words were used for myself to be reminded of the unconditional and selfless loves this gentleman had for that lovely woman irrespective of her current condition or for not accepting Bill’s love in the past. One can only wish to be like this gentleman!

The annoying guest in house

I don’t know about anyone else, but we often get unwanted visitors in our house: the annoying little flies. They buzz around and around and around trying to find an escape. But they never do. And then, very annoyingly, you will have to get up from your way too comfortable seat and go open the door wide open for them. And now, the most annoying part,,,even when the doors and windows are wide open,,,the fly will go around and around and around looking for the escape again. It sure is lost but stupid as well at the same time. And it will take someone to get a newspaper, hairdryer, wooden spoon,,,whatever it is that is available there to use and shoo away the fly from the room. In a way, us humans are like that as well. We often get lost, whether it’s in life, career, or in relationship. Hundreds of doors or windows might be open for us. Instead of getting out through the doors into the big lovely world, we go around and around and around, being stuck and lost, being frantic with worry and not being able to see the doors or windows. Someone will have to come along and get something to shoo as away. But what if that fly never gets noticed by someone, or what if no doors are opened? Is it going to be stuck there and not get out thinking that there’s no escape? I say in that instance that fly has to be reminded of the saying ‘If there is a will, there is a way’ and look for the way out.

‘I love you too Mummy’

10.50 pm, and the sound of rain hitting on the conservatory is waking up the writer sleeping in me. What do I want to write about? I do not know. Then I look around, I see something beautiful,,,I see someone beautiful. My Mother! She is sleeping on the sofa opposite to me. I still get way darn excited when she talks about the times when she used to watch me sleeping as a baby. She says it was a beautiful sight. I smile widely. I wonder if she would get as excited as I do if I were to say that its the most beautiful thing in the world to watch her sleep.

Motherhood wasn’t easy for my mother, especially with a kid like me. Like every kids (or most kids) out there,I too went through phases where I was ashamed of my mother; got irritated by the things she done and said; and screamed at her for anything and everything. I remember one instance especially where I did something mischievous and she was chasing me but she fell down somehow. Although it seemed pretty funny at that time, the thought of this incident always brings tears to my eyes. Going to the park this afternoon with friends’ 5 year old on his bike and pushing the buggy (with great difficulties I tell you) with his 2 year old brother in it, I thought to myself, apart from the above mentioned incident, she never fell or failed as a mother.

All I could do in return now is to realise that my lovely mother will continue to annoy the living hell out of me (Mothers eh?!) but at the same time acknowledge my mother for the lovely mother she is to me and to my sisters, understand her for what she is and what she is not, and love for being the mother she is to me. I hoped and prayed to every goodness there is in me and in the world that I would change from being the worthless daughter I was in the past. I did change. I put conscious effort into our relationship. And now, we share a lovely relationship. I can see her for the amazing individual she is. And I think she does too, because she just came over, kissed me good night and said ‘I love you’.
‘I love you too, Mummy’