Past, present and future tenses…something we all were confused about when we were little. I didn’t understand it at all and when I did, I remember thinking it was a rather depressing idea to digest (I was a thinker from a young age!). You’ve lived in the past, living in the present, and live for the future that is the tomorrow. How can a child ever be OK with that? Never mind the child, how can an adult (in my case ‘ch-adult’) be OK with that? I didn’t ever want the today to be a yesterday and tomorrow to be a today because as my middle sister once reminded me… 27/02/2013 00:24 will never come back in your life again. And it was depressing for me to be adjusted to that thinking.
But tonight, as I sat around the dining table with a kopparberg and a glass of my poor version of rum-wine-cider “cocktail” and reminiscence those good old days with my beloved father, adorable mother and lovable sisters, I thought to myself that it is my past that has gifted me with brilliant childhood memories. As I read the lovely message my handsome fiancé sent me (for the 100th time!), I realise that it is the future that I look forward to with hope and anticipation. And this kind of realisation that is occurring to me currently is the present that I’ll be looking back with a smile on my face. It’s not too bad after all as long as you spend each and every minute of your life with the knowledge that it will be something that you will wish to get back to once that minute is away.
Life comes with a lot of pain, sufferings and surprises at different times. Embrace it and realise that the time you have now right now in front of you will never be back once its gone. Darn it 27/07/2013 00:34 will never be back man! Depressed.com Only kidding I’m not slurring!
Ok this story is worth mentioning as well. The same setting, same placement and similar story as described below. But the characters in this context are slightly different- they were husband and wife: Jack and Joan (Confidentiality alert: No one is at risk of being harmed by mentioning names!)
One lovely couple these 2 were. Jack was a Scottish man aged around 92 and Joan was an English lady who was 80ish. They both have been together for around 60 years and the relationship they had was quite surreal. They amazed me so much that walking/running 20 mins to catch a 40 mins train early in the morning and walking 20 mins from the train station there to work felt like an ice cream on a hot summer day. Their only daughter was in America and so they treated me like their daughter (Joan used to say I reminded her of her daughter!). Even though they both suffered from mild dementia; they smiled, sang songs together, laughed, made others laugh, held hands together and were beyond amazing. When it was summer time and the daffodils were around, Joan always used to say in her English accent’look at the daffodils, arent they just lovely’?!
So, as usual,wanting these 2 lovely characters to stay alive in me, I wrote couple of words to remind myself of how they were. Here it goes:-
‘Let’s go back to the memories one more time
Hold my hand tight, close your eyes and trust me
There’s no other better place to be!
Do you remember when I first asked you to dance dear?
Oh it was a beautiful night indeed!
And you looked gorgeous by the way
How I remember it all crystal clear
That night never loses it fragrances…’
I left this unfinished. I had no clue why. After almost year, I worked up the courage to go back and visit everyone. I saw Joan in the dining room. She didn’t have that ‘glow’ she had before. She of course didn’t (and wouldn’t have) recognise me. I asked the nurse nearby where Jack was. She whispered to me that Jack passed away. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It’s an old age home with fragile elderly people. Death is not an unknown guest there. But still, my heart stank and I understood why I never finished the poem!
ps: There will be a part 3! Theres something else that ought to be mentioned! 😉
I needed some major distraction from my work that is due in tomorrow. And so I opened my old journals and found some things I jotted down ages ago. I really liked one in particular as it brought a lot of memories back. I guess I can put it up here for anyone who is interested in having a little nosy.
The first one is titled ‘Endless Love’. I wrote this when I was on placement in an elderly care setting. This is about 2 best friends who were around 85. The lady was residing in this setting and was unable to talk or communicate her feelings. She was also diagnosed with dementia. She had a best friend named ‘Bill’. Bill used to visit her EVERY single day bringing her flowers or cakes. Bill told me that there was nothing between them and they were good friends. But the staff there believed that Bill might have loved this lovely lady. So here goes the few words I wrote down back then in order to remind myself of these 2 special characters after some years
No matter how many years its been, I will still look
at you the same way I used to look at you 40 years ago
The eyes that taught me to look at the world with hope
will still be the brightest stars in my sky
Days passed, months passed, years passed;
Yet the love I have for you remains untouched!
-Your bestest friend Bill
I don’t know what I can call these words. But these few words were used for myself to be reminded of the unconditional and selfless loves this gentleman had for that lovely woman irrespective of her current condition or for not accepting Bill’s love in the past. One can only wish to be like this gentleman!
Cannot use any words to describe this video because it is indescribable.