Much dreaded day of the year!

A much dreaded day is coming up for me. My birthday. A day that causes stress in me, my family and friends. This year though, instead of getting gifts, cards, messages and money, I decided to do something different. Below here are some of the causes that I believe in. It would mean the world to me, and make my day and my life so special if you can do any of these for me. Please do message me (privately) if you are able to do any of these, or your own thing if you’d like, and I will cherish that in my life forever.
Bring a box of chocolate to the local ambulance, fire station, A&E (or police station if you dare!)
Give motivational books, posters or materials to the local youth hostel near you. Alternatively, send me a donation for buying these things or send these things to me and I will personally deliver them to the local youth hostel that I work in.
Homeless people- 1, Give a fiver or tenner to a homeless person. 2, Create a care package with snacks, sandwiches, toiletries etc and give it to 5 homeless people. 3, Get to know a homeless person, get to know his/her circumstances and get him a sandwich of his choice for 4 weeks.
Donate money or clothes to your local Barnardos charity for children (or any children’s charity of your choice)
A donation for the older people’s cafe (LinkLiving)that I volunteer at (I will specify what the money will be used for later on).
Help elderly with their shopping.
Ask a shop assistant how his or her day has been.
If you have a grandparent who lives near you or with you, give him/her a hug and a kiss.
Leave a compliment under a young girls profile picture of herself.
Leave a note on your rubbish bin for the man/woman who collects your rubbish thanking them for their service.
Finally, if you are religious, say a little prayer for me to be always grateful for the life I have and blessings I have in life. And for my catholic friends and relatives, may be light a little candle or say a decade of rosary/divine mercy chaplet for me?
Thank you
I will be sure to have the best birthday this year!

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Life’s little relationship problems

So, husband away for night shift, and I decide to be productive and get some work done.I put South Indian Musician A. R Rahman’s melodious songs on loads of work gets done whilst the south Indian in me deeply embraces the music. Then comes the song ‘Nila Kaaigarathu’. Out of nowhere, water works starts flowing and it wouldn’t stop. This is a song that my sister likes and used to sing all the time, much to my annoyance I’d like to add.

For me, she’s always been that annoying and naggy Anji, someone I make fun of relentlessly, someone I fight with and not talk to for days, someone who’s stubbornness could kill the world.We kept doing each other’s head in for the past 25 years I don’t know how time went by and suddenly, she is this strong, independent and an amazing woman who is about to someones wife in 7 months.

All my life, I never had any issues talking to anyone or making effort with  anyone. Her Fiance, a lovely man  who cannot be faulted for being in love with my sister had been a good friend till now. However, for the past couple of weeks, out of nowhere, I started feeling some resentment towards him and finding it difficult to talk to him. All I could think of if ‘he is Anji’s man, her husband-to-be, someone i’m going to share her with’. And I cant for the life of me get past my attachment issues with my sister and move forward which is very unlikely of me. May be its the fear that he is going to love her more that I love her, take care of her better than I did, protect her more than I ever could.

Its often easier for a friend to tell another friend how much they mean to them; a girlfriend to tell her boyfriend ‘thanks for having my back’;  and for a wife to tell her husband ‘I’m so glad you are in my life and I wouldn’t know where I’d be if I didn’t have you in my life’. To tell all these to your family?, your sister?, that’s certainly not easy.

Anji is that person who has been there your whole life that you cannot ever express how grateful you are for her sharing her food with you, for being protective of us and wanting to beat people up when they treat us bad, for buying you clothes, for speaking up to people on behalf of you and for just being her. Words would never do any justice if I were to tell her how important she is to me or the kind of role she plays in my life. Instead, I choose what any other sane individual out there would choose and not say a word and continue to do her head in, effortlessly.

Happy 21st Baby girl

 

When she was born, I don’t remember how she looked like
Nor do I remember the first time I saw her,
or the first time I held her in my arms.
I do however remember the first word (or one of the first words) she said,
And how chubby she looked.

Living miles apart from each other,
She was a holiday treat for us older sisters.
She walked funny and talked funny
But then again, what was I to know, I was only 5

Fast forward three years, she came to live with us.
A crying baby who missed the grandmother who looked after her all those years.
Since then, she became my possession, a personal project.
And my little person.

Ammachi carried her everywhere and fed her things
I didn’t mind at all.
After school, we rushed home to see her playing in the front garden.
It was an unusual but soon becoming a pleasing sight for us older sisters.

Soon enough, she started going to school.
To our school.
A tiny body in a tiny  cream blouse and a brown coloured frilled frock
With side parted hair and rather short fringe,
She was a fragile little thing lost in Carmel Academy’s school uniform.

Being always subjected to change, and having no one she can trust,
She cried.
Every time she felt scared.

It was 4 pm, and I wasn’t done with my exam
I went up to my teacher to ask her permission to go out for 5 minutes
Luckily, she allowed

I got out of the exam hall to find her
And I did.
Waiting under the big mango tree, weeping.
She looked so weak and fragile,
The 8 year old me felt crumbled
And the sight never faded in my mind till this day.

Birthdays, anniversaries and other  occassions, we celebrated them all.
Hide and seeks, House, and other myriad games, we played them all.
I grew up, Anji grew up, and she grew up with us.
Life kept on bringing us and her changes, a lot and lot of changes.

One of these changes left us in Belfast one fine morning.
She started going to the nearby primary school, St Josephs.
Mummy was so worried about  her that she went to the school at lunch time to check up on her.
She’d already made her first friend, and apparently shared her lunch with her new friend?

Fast forward few years, She joined us in our high school
Again, side parted hair, with no fringe this time, thank goodness
In a grey jumper, tie, blazer, skirt and tights,
A nerdy little first year Indian kid I saw

Being a green blazer myself, a so called ‘cool’ 6th year,
I avoided her every time she walked past me with her friends
and enthusiastically waved at me.

Then one day, I hear her speak at the school assembly
About how Christmas used to be in India

And saw her holding up an umbrella for a short guy,
from my health and social care class.

Again, time kept moving forward.
And it took me to  Scotland for Uni
And Anji to Liverpool
We came back home with plus ones.

Life hasn’t always been mild on her
It brought changes after changes into her life
But she didn’t crumble
In fact,
The fragile girl with the awful side fringe kept toughening up
Without anyone else beside her.

And today, she stands as a strong, independent woman,
With a mind that does not waver easily, annoying for some, especially me.
A family that is well proud of her
A best friend who dots her
Brother in-laws who fight for her attention and approval.

All these years, all these events and all these changes,
Left her to become an amazing young adult
However,
She is still  my possession and my personal project.

And forever my little person.

Happy 21st baby

Boasty timee!

Bored out of my mind, I decided to scroll down through my previous posts. Some made me cringe, some made me laugh, some made me go ‘shit, that’s some pretty deep stuff there’. Not being boastful or anything, but I really should start listening to myself.
I picked out 2 of my favourites and I have have have to share this with someone. But I dont have anyone to share it with just now. So I is stating em here
1. “Smile it forward” (had to ask myself whether I really wrote that. Not being modest at all here, but that was some good suit man)
2. “I wish you were single dear”. Purely because reading it made me re-live that day. Major aww-ing!