Life’s little relationship problems

So, husband away for night shift, and I decide to be productive and get some work done.I put South Indian Musician A. R Rahman’s melodious songs on loads of work gets done whilst the south Indian in me deeply embraces the music. Then comes the song ‘Nila Kaaigarathu’. Out of nowhere, water works starts flowing and it wouldn’t stop. This is a song that my sister likes and used to sing all the time, much to my annoyance I’d like to add.

For me, she’s always been that annoying and naggy Anji, someone I make fun of relentlessly, someone I fight with and not talk to for days, someone who’s stubbornness could kill the world.We kept doing each other’s head in for the past 25 years I don’t know how time went by and suddenly, she is this strong, independent and an amazing woman who is about to someones wife in 7 months.

All my life, I never had any issues talking to anyone or making effort with  anyone. Her Fiance, a lovely man  who cannot be faulted for being in love with my sister had been a good friend till now. However, for the past couple of weeks, out of nowhere, I started feeling some resentment towards him and finding it difficult to talk to him. All I could think of if ‘he is Anji’s man, her husband-to-be, someone i’m going to share her with’. And I cant for the life of me get past my attachment issues with my sister and move forward which is very unlikely of me. May be its the fear that he is going to love her more that I love her, take care of her better than I did, protect her more than I ever could.

Its often easier for a friend to tell another friend how much they mean to them; a girlfriend to tell her boyfriend ‘thanks for having my back’;  and for a wife to tell her husband ‘I’m so glad you are in my life and I wouldn’t know where I’d be if I didn’t have you in my life’. To tell all these to your family?, your sister?, that’s certainly not easy.

Anji is that person who has been there your whole life that you cannot ever express how grateful you are for her sharing her food with you, for being protective of us and wanting to beat people up when they treat us bad, for buying you clothes, for speaking up to people on behalf of you and for just being her. Words would never do any justice if I were to tell her how important she is to me or the kind of role she plays in my life. Instead, I choose what any other sane individual out there would choose and not say a word and continue to do her head in, effortlessly.

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Wedding day speech on wedding anniversary

Came across this speech I wrote for my wedding reception but never got to read it out due to your usual wedding-receptiony-never-go-things-as-planned stuff. Thought I’d post this here, on the 1st anniversary of our wedding so that I can look back on this and actually praise myself for writing a good damn speech.

‘I’m standing here in front of you tonight mainly because I wasn’t really given a choice. ‘People are making an effort to celebrate your special love for each other, so its only fair that you put an effort and show them why your love is special’.

Some of yous know that I have a deep love for philosophy and use philosophy and metaphors to learn about life. Even though most of yous don’t know this about us, the beginning of mine and sterry’s meeting was of a philosophical one.

I was going back to Scotland after my October holidays, being all sad and weary on the stenaline bus. Off comes the hero with a shoulder bag on one hand and an apple core on the other. Sitting in the ferry, looking out of the window and embracing my philosophical side, I asked Sterry a thought provoking question. “what do you see out of the window”. The reply I got left me in pure amazement. Ive heard a lot of philiosphical explanations and thoughts in my life, but what I heard from him that day has to be the one that will always get me through life. Taking a deep breath, looking out of the window, he said “ I see doses and sambar”. Love at first sight guys love at first sight.

Everyone will have that one person in life who will bring out the best in that person. Sterry is that person for me. Couple of months past this coincidental yet enlightening journey, he asked me to join him for a coffee on a cold January morning. Now I’ve never been on a “coffee” with a person” like that, so I did not know what to expect. I mean I had a lot of guy friends but I never had a coffee with anyone, so naturally I was nervous about meeting an opposite gender for a coffee. Don’t really remember much of our conversation but what I do remember most and will remember for potentially the rest of my life is how he commented about my eyebrows. So the conversation went like this “whoever did your eyebrows, did not do a good job. They aren’t equal.” I stayed silent I went home and looked into the mirror, closely examined my eyebrows, and the only thing I could think of was I cannot believe I spent a whole of 10 minutes doing my eyebrows for this guy!! But because of this incident, I learnt the art of mastering my eyebrows and it’s all thanks to his honest feedback. Told you he’s brought the best in me.

We’ve been through some good times and bad times. Good times that make your love even more special and bad times that make your love grow stronger tests your relationship. I’d like to share a bad time I faced in our relationship recently, I hope it’s not too personal. So last week, I went through a real trial and temptation. Hardest time of our marriage. Last week, Sterry had a cold. A cold that resulted in severe amount of snoring. Snoring that kept me awake, snoring that made me poke him several times, snoring that made me look up on Google how to get used to snoring, snoring that made me do a lot of unusual things. Long story short, after what it seemed like the longest and toughest two of hours of my life, the storm calmed down, literally and it taught me a biggest lesson in marriage. There will always be loud snoring in marriages that will cause some sleepless nights, but if your love is stronger than the snoring, you will always surpass all the snoring in the marriage.

In all seriousness, regardless of the hard core feminist in me, who did not favour marriage, I found a not too bad guy, thanks to my mother’s constant prayers, candles, and intervention. Like everyone, I had my insecurities about relationships and marriage. But honestly speaking, the 6 years with him brought out a woman in me who can be stronger with her man, confident in herself and her abilities, gives me the courage to go on in life, inspires me or pushes me to work hard and teaches me to be patient.

When my mum phoned me last month, out of nowhere she asked me you’re really happy aren’t you achu, n I said ‘yeah’, ‘I am actually’. It’s often difficult for a human being to feel content in life in this day and age. But tonight, standing here in front of all you close family and friends, some missing, I can honestly say that I’m content in life. I am happy that I have a dad who gives me the ‘go ahead’ signal on life and dreams, I’m honoured to have a mother who has given me her compassionate side and sacrificed the life for us; sisters who are the most amazing people in my life; bestest friends who are more than I deserve, and in-laws who has made me one of them the minute they met me. Thank you to all you guys for being part of our lives, for helping us get here. We hope you can stay with us as we continue the journey of happily ever after life.’

Time and change

Before you know, it will be time to say good bye to 2016. How are the years flying, I still have no idea! Whilst every hour, every month and year is slipping away from your grip without your consent, I refused to believe that a part of me is leaving with time. Truth is though, whether I admit it or not, I’m getting old . So is everything and everyone else around me. We are changing, physically and emotionally, everyday.

My sisters have grown up and entering different phases in their lives;my parents are getting old even if i refuse to acknowledge any signs; my other-half is growing into a family man, my friends are getting married,having babies, getting separated  or moving away; and my grand parents, well i’m just grateful for every extra day that they get to see!

Change is inevitable! And it scares me, like everyone else!  Whilst I’m still stuck in the past, thinking of the ‘good-old’ times, time is moving forward and it is bringing in loads and loads of changes in everyone and everything. I’ve got two choices: a, be stuck in the past and be bitter about change; b, move forward with time.

I choose the latter, not with a lot of enthusiasm but with pain. I will move forward, taking my memories along with me and not losing track of the things that I were. I will also be reminded of the story of the eagle that transformed itself rather painfully when time plays it tricks on me.

Life’s little moments.

Talking to a friend made me realise that I’ve been soooooooo busy recently. So busy that I forget to write down the little moments of life, remember these moments later on, celebrate and cherish them. You get so copped up with life that you don’t have enough hours in the day to read a book that you like, do a self-less good deed once a month or to tell your loved one why you appreciate them being in your life. Laziness, refusal to be out of your comfort zone or just plain inability to appreciate or celebrate life’s little moments all could be the reason.

But I refuse to be like this.

Ima start enjoying life’s little moments again and celebrate them cause, quite frankly, life is amazing!

Here’s to life and to the friend who reminded me of this!

 

Beauty-fart

Person1: I’m lucky that I found you
Person 2: I’m the luckiest one
Person 1: I know. You are actually the luckiest one
Person 2: ahh you just wanted to say that. That’s why you said that in the first place eh? You’re not just beautiful but smart too
Person 1: I know, I’m smartiful
Person 2: you are beauty-fart
Person 1: hahahahaha
Person 1: more hahahaHa I’m gonna put that up on fb or blog about it
Person 2: no don’t blog about it. It’s personal

Doing the wrong thing is the right thing to do at times

We live in a society where we tend to stick to what provides us comfort and ignore the rest. We choose what’s best for us and then ‘mind our own business’

I came home from work, open the door and I see an envelope lying about with a familiar handwriting on it. I open it and it’s a red cross inspirational card inside. It goes

“(my name)

I am a believer now in trying to do what you can for people around you. You made me believe that. I hope that the good you do, try to do and will do gives you the strength and hope to carry on with your vocation no matter what the hardships. I pray to God that he blesses you with courage and happiness. But perhaps that’s why he has made me. To top up your courage and happiness when the going gets hard.
Do remember
You make me very proud. Every day, every minute, every second

(My man’s name)”

After a long day at work, sure this is a nice thing to come home to. So I left it at my window side. I went back and picked it up to read it again. And that’s when I heard a man’s raised voice. It was the guy next door arguing with his partner. They had their door opened and we have a thin wall so I heard everything (and because I eavesdropped as well-guilty as charged!) The story was that they were breaking up and he asked her if she was going to leave the flat. I could hear the girl’s distant cry. He left the flat after that.

Me being the busybody I am, wanted to bolt down there and see if she was ok. But of course I didn’t. Because I’m a sensible girl! So I sought my mans approval. I presented the case to him. The first thing he said was “you’re not going over”. He does know me eh?! He reminded me that its not right and its someone’s personal life. He was right. He asked me if I’d like it if it was me. I said yes. I was right.
I said to him that I’m going over and I did.

The girl surprisingly took my meddling in business quite well. We had a bit of chat about what happened and she made up her mind. I apologised for prying into her life but she said it had helped her. I offered her a hug AND my Malteser easter egg(big sacrifice for me!). She was receptive towards both of them and I felt great.

I phoned my man back and said what had happened. I begged for credits and I got them. That’s when I said to him that sometimes doing the wrong thing is what’s right. I always had the heart to be there for strangers but never the courage.But Now I do and I am glad I do because my courage brought me immense happiness just there. My man’s prayer to God was certainly answered quickly.

He said he loves me and is proud of me for doing the wrong thing
I said I love him and proud of him for making me me

If we never had that conversation, I would have slept on that thought. If he never sent me that card, I would’ve never known that what it is that I’m made of. They say right things happen at the right times and I say they are right.

Sometimes its easier to get cooped up into our own little den, mind our own business and pretend like we don’t notice the awkward things that happen around us. Unfortunately, its come to the point where that is what’s best for us and the ‘right’ thing to do- minding our own business!

But if you ask me, a little bit of ‘minding’, eavesdropping and hugging wouldn’t do much harm to the world.

And if you ask Jesus, he would say that you should love your neighbour as you love yourself

He who loved the snow!

Photo Credit: Driveway Sledding by Jessie

dscn7219-2sm0I met you.. got to know you..got close to you. We were quite a pair. Staying up and talking all night was a tradition that we created for us. You used to stay in the bathroom to get a ‘good reception’ and you never failed to make me laugh with your wild jokes/statements. One of which was about the Arabic girls having really hairy legs. I have no idea what that was about but it always cracked me up.

You were there for me through thick and thin. When I was down, you were down. You were incapable of cheering me up. And I’m glad you never tried. You were really terrible at cheering someone up and lacked the ability to do so. You, however, knew how to be part of someone’s sadness or misery. You were always there to console others when things weren’t going so great.

You taught me to act confident even if I weren’t feeling confident. You told me that I was beautiful. The 16-year-old insecure me called you crazy. You laughed, I blushed!

dscn7232-2smAs we started pursuing our higher studies, dreams, and love life; the picture of ‘us’ started fading away. The space between us grew wider. It was when you phoned me up to tell me that you passed your driving test, I realised that we rarely had time for each other any more. We were growing up without each other. It was wrong. I should have called you up. I should have checked how things were going with your life. I should have told you about the amazing man I found for myself. I should have asked you about the girl/s you were dating at that time. But I didn’t. I didn’t call you up. I didn’t check up on you. And I regret that, more than anything else in this world.

When she phoned me up and said that you passed away, I did not believe her. How could I?! I convinced myself that it was another guy we knew who had the same name as you. I phoned her back. I asked her if it was that guy. All she said was ‘I’m so sorry’. I cried and cried and cried. I was helpless. Everything went wrong. Crying was the only thing I could do right.

People ask me what it is that I had with you. I don’t have an answer to give them. You were like a brother, a lover, a friend, and an enemy, all at once. How do I explain that to someone God only knows?! The night that I learnt about your departure from this world, my better half who never had a chance to meet you asked me to tell him about you. He wanted to know what you were like. And I said, ‘he was an annoying brat who made a lot of girls cry, who made racist jokes, someone who drove me and a lot of others crazy, he disliked dating ‘angelic girls’ but he loved the snow’

dscn7240-2smYou weren’t the perfect being on earth but you were the most care free person. You talked so freely, walked so freely, loved life and the snow.

3 years this week, but the memories I had with you stay as fresh as the snow. And when the snow does fall, I look up the sky, I imagine you looking down on me with a cheeky grin on your face. I still hate the snow I’ll have you know. But I hope you love it up there amongst the clouds, cunningly planning to send the snow down on me to annoy me, creating a lot of havoc for the heavenly members and dating a lot of not angelic girls but angels themselves.

Weekly Writing Challenge

Past, Present and Future

Past, present and future tenses…something we all were confused about when we were little. I didn’t understand it at all and when I did, I remember thinking it was a rather depressing idea to digest (I was a thinker from a young age!). You’ve lived in the past,  living in the present, and live for the future that is the tomorrow. How can a child ever be OK with that? Never mind the child, how can an adult (in my case ‘ch-adult’) be OK with that? I didn’t ever want the today to be a yesterday and tomorrow to be a today because as my middle sister once reminded me… 27/02/2013 00:24 will never come back in your life again. And it was depressing for me to be adjusted to that thinking.

But tonight, as I sat around the dining table with a kopparberg and a glass of my poor version of rum-wine-cider “cocktail” and reminiscence those good old days with my beloved father, adorable mother and lovable sisters, I thought to myself that it is my past that has gifted me with brilliant childhood memories. As I read the lovely message my handsome fiancé sent me (for the 100th time!), I realise that it is the future that I look forward to with hope and anticipation. And this kind of realisation that is occurring to me  currently is the present that I’ll be looking back with a smile on my  face. It’s not too bad after all as long as you spend each and every minute of your life with the knowledge that it will be something that you will wish to get back to once that minute is away.

Life comes with a lot of pain, sufferings and surprises at different times. Embrace it and realise that the time you have now right now in front of you will never be back once its gone. Darn it 27/07/2013 00:34 will never be back man! Depressed.com :/ Only kidding I’m not slurring!

The annoying guest in house

I don’t know about anyone else, but we often get unwanted visitors in our house: the annoying little flies. They buzz around and around and around trying to find an escape. But they never do. And then, very annoyingly, you will have to get up from your way too comfortable seat and go open the door wide open for them. And now, the most annoying part,,,even when the doors and windows are wide open,,,the fly will go around and around and around looking for the escape again. It sure is lost but stupid as well at the same time. And it will take someone to get a newspaper, hairdryer, wooden spoon,,,whatever it is that is available there to use and shoo away the fly from the room. In a way, us humans are like that as well. We often get lost, whether it’s in life, career, or in relationship. Hundreds of doors or windows might be open for us. Instead of getting out through the doors into the big lovely world, we go around and around and around, being stuck and lost, being frantic with worry and not being able to see the doors or windows. Someone will have to come along and get something to shoo as away. But what if that fly never gets noticed by someone, or what if no doors are opened? Is it going to be stuck there and not get out thinking that there’s no escape? I say in that instance that fly has to be reminded of the saying ‘If there is a will, there is a way’ and look for the way out.