Lets put the world back together, piece by piece

In the days that are filled with pain,
In the world that is filled with negativity,
Lest we forget,
Evil cant fight evil
Evil wont fight evil

Lets put the world back together,
Piece by piece

Spread a little positivity
Smile at someone,
Wave at a stranger,
Feed the homeless, or give a fiver
Open the door for elderly,
Help a mother with her shopping bags
Do your bit.

Lets put the world back together,
Piece by piece.

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Happy 21st Baby girl

 

When she was born, I don’t remember how she looked like
Nor do I remember the first time I saw her,
or the first time I held her in my arms.
I do however remember the first word (or one of the first words) she said,
And how chubby she looked.

Living miles apart from each other,
She was a holiday treat for us older sisters.
She walked funny and talked funny
But then again, what was I to know, I was only 5

Fast forward three years, she came to live with us.
A crying baby who missed the grandmother who looked after her all those years.
Since then, she became my possession, a personal project.
And my little person.

Ammachi carried her everywhere and fed her things
I didn’t mind at all.
After school, we rushed home to see her playing in the front garden.
It was an unusual but soon becoming a pleasing sight for us older sisters.

Soon enough, she started going to school.
To our school.
A tiny body in a tiny  cream blouse and a brown coloured frilled frock
With side parted hair and rather short fringe,
She was a fragile little thing lost in Carmel Academy’s school uniform.

Being always subjected to change, and having no one she can trust,
She cried.
Every time she felt scared.

It was 4 pm, and I wasn’t done with my exam
I went up to my teacher to ask her permission to go out for 5 minutes
Luckily, she allowed

I got out of the exam hall to find her
And I did.
Waiting under the big mango tree, weeping.
She looked so weak and fragile,
The 8 year old me felt crumbled
And the sight never faded in my mind till this day.

Birthdays, anniversaries and other  occassions, we celebrated them all.
Hide and seeks, House, and other myriad games, we played them all.
I grew up, Anji grew up, and she grew up with us.
Life kept on bringing us and her changes, a lot and lot of changes.

One of these changes left us in Belfast one fine morning.
She started going to the nearby primary school, St Josephs.
Mummy was so worried about  her that she went to the school at lunch time to check up on her.
She’d already made her first friend, and apparently shared her lunch with her new friend?

Fast forward few years, She joined us in our high school
Again, side parted hair, with no fringe this time, thank goodness
In a grey jumper, tie, blazer, skirt and tights,
A nerdy little first year Indian kid I saw

Being a green blazer myself, a so called ‘cool’ 6th year,
I avoided her every time she walked past me with her friends
and enthusiastically waved at me.

Then one day, I hear her speak at the school assembly
About how Christmas used to be in India

And saw her holding up an umbrella for a short guy,
from my health and social care class.

Again, time kept moving forward.
And it took me to  Scotland for Uni
And Anji to Liverpool
We came back home with plus ones.

Life hasn’t always been mild on her
It brought changes after changes into her life
But she didn’t crumble
In fact,
The fragile girl with the awful side fringe kept toughening up
Without anyone else beside her.

And today, she stands as a strong, independent woman,
With a mind that does not waver easily, annoying for some, especially me.
A family that is well proud of her
A best friend who dots her
Brother in-laws who fight for her attention and approval.

All these years, all these events and all these changes,
Left her to become an amazing young adult
However,
She is still  my possession and my personal project.

And forever my little person.

Happy 21st baby

Time and change

Before you know, it will be time to say good bye to 2016. How are the years flying, I still have no idea! Whilst every hour, every month and year is slipping away from your grip without your consent, I refused to believe that a part of me is leaving with time. Truth is though, whether I admit it or not, I’m getting old . So is everything and everyone else around me. We are changing, physically and emotionally, everyday.

My sisters have grown up and entering different phases in their lives;my parents are getting old even if i refuse to acknowledge any signs; my other-half is growing into a family man, my friends are getting married,having babies, getting separated  or moving away; and my grand parents, well i’m just grateful for every extra day that they get to see!

Change is inevitable! And it scares me, like everyone else!  Whilst I’m still stuck in the past, thinking of the ‘good-old’ times, time is moving forward and it is bringing in loads and loads of changes in everyone and everything. I’ve got two choices: a, be stuck in the past and be bitter about change; b, move forward with time.

I choose the latter, not with a lot of enthusiasm but with pain. I will move forward, taking my memories along with me and not losing track of the things that I were. I will also be reminded of the story of the eagle that transformed itself rather painfully when time plays it tricks on me.

Inspiration

Inspiration. An unusual guest to come by and knock on my door. I went to bed last night hoping and dreaming of a productive day today, and setting myself agendas. All plans were destroyed when I opened my eyes this morning at 09:53. I lied in bed for another half an hour scrolling through Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat over and over again. I hopelessly look up inspirational movies in the hope that some movie would get me going. Did not work. I type in ‘inspirational videos’ on youtube. Something comes up, I indulge in it for 3 minutes, some guy talking about setting himself a 5 million target and achieving it in 5 years. Inspirational. Well done him. But what I want now is to get out bed, something worth more than 5 million dollars. And thats when it hits me. The inspiration I’m seeking for all long is right here, lying in bed, looking for inspiration. Ironic.

I immediately get up, have some breakfast, get changed and get my cycle out. I go for 30 mins cycling in the near by scenic route.

On my way, I see an older couple on their walk, two young girls sitting on a bench who seem to be in a deep conversation, a family with 3 young children and a dog, a man on his walk. I look around, see the lake, the trees, the leaves that have fallen, and I think to myself: the inspiration I always look for does not lie within YouTube or any movies. That inspiration is me, in me. The inspiration that gets me out of bed, and gets me to see the real beauty of the nature and of human beings.

Seeing that inspiration, believing in that inspiration and choosing that inspiration is difficult. Extremely difficult. But I hope when I look up inspirational videos or movies next time, I think of this experience and choose to see and believe the inspiration that I have within me.

Life’s little moments.

Talking to a friend made me realise that I’ve been soooooooo busy recently. So busy that I forget to write down the little moments of life, remember these moments later on, celebrate and cherish them. You get so copped up with life that you don’t have enough hours in the day to read a book that you like, do a self-less good deed once a month or to tell your loved one why you appreciate them being in your life. Laziness, refusal to be out of your comfort zone or just plain inability to appreciate or celebrate life’s little moments all could be the reason.

But I refuse to be like this.

Ima start enjoying life’s little moments again and celebrate them cause, quite frankly, life is amazing!

Here’s to life and to the friend who reminded me of this!

 

My perfect veil

The wedding preparations are ongoing!

One day, I’m excited as hell about the wedding celebrations, the marriage life, the ‘always and always’s, the responsibilities etc.

Next day, I can’t be bothered with all the commotion and pain that comes with it. Too much hassle.

On the third day, I am scared as hell and unsure about spending THE REST OF MY LIFE with a man!!! I like my feministic approach to things. What if marrying a man kills my feministic spirits? Gee that’s a no no!

On the fourth day, I can’t believe I’m giving up ‘everything’ for marriage. Do I not want to travel? I definitely should’ve got a flat. Oh and that masters? Damn, I haven’t done everything I wanted to do before getting married. Because of course, it would be impossible to do all this once I’m married.

On the fifth day I like my ‘single’ stress free life and I like my mammy. I can never be the silly and immature daughter I’m just now. I can’t share dirty jokes with my sisters. Why? Because I’m going to be a..wait for it..WIFE!!

On the sixth day, is he the ‘right’ one? We seem to be fighting a lot. What if things are not going to be the same after we marry? Am I in a for a ‘trap’? Is he definitely my type? How can I test him to see that he will definitely stick around?

On the seventh day, God created woman, the most complex being on earth. Back to day one and the vicious cycle starts again.

I’m complex and a handful, I put my hand up. BUT, I am also someone who can appreciate things and not take things for granted. My veil made me realise that.

I ordered this veil online. It looked PERFECT on the website so it was perfect. The veil arrived and I opened it up with a lot of anticipation and excitement.

Oh!

Thought it was going to be like a feather!. Its…. Its stiff. It’s way too rough. And too long. No. I don’t like it. It’s not ‘me’.

Its not ‘perfect’!

Tried to look at it again the next day and the next day and the next day. Nothing changed. So I do what every other girl would do. Went and ordered a ‘soft’ veil.

The ‘soft’ veil arrives. Way too short. Devastated. Why can’t anything work out in my favour?!

My best friend trips to help me out. She says I can wear her beautiful Kim Kardashian veil. Say what??? “but remember, its heavy with all the work. You have to wear what feels right for you’

Devastated!

Two weeks later, I pick up the tab again to order another one. I took the first veil out to compare the length with the second one. I hung them up on my door. I fixate on the first veil. Suddenly, a thought occurred to me. It’s kinda..perfect? Its long, like I always wanted it. It’s got simple but clean work on it, which is my type. And it is …me?.

Boom!

Text to sisters: ‘changed my mind, I’m wearing the first veil’

Text from sister: ‘mmm..i thought the first one wasn’t good?’

Text to sister: think it just occurred to me that its perfect. Might change my mind though. Lol

Text from sister: but it was like a stiff net tho right?

Text to sister: kinda is. Watch out for a new blog entry.

Moral of the story: No veils are perfect, no matter what. If you merely ‘look’ at the veil, you merely find faults with the veil. It might scare you that this veil is not good enough for the big day. BUT if you ‘see’ the veil, you will see what’s good with it and what’s bad with it. If the good things help you forget the bad things about it, that means that’s your veil. Your perfect veil.

Long story short, I found my perfect veil!

(Gooddd life without analogies would be hard!)

Annoying yet Amazing Woman

She Is annoying

She is crazy

She is loud

She is opinionated

She is argumentative

She is impulsive

She is judgemental

And then I wave bye-bye

I look back at her and realise

She is supportive

She Is selfless

She works hard

She says, have faith

She shows not to lose hope

She cares

She inspires

She is fearless

She Is confident

She is loyal

She teaches me,

To be myself and to believe in myself

She is the perfect definition of

An amazing woman

And an annoying mum.

The big sister I found in my little sister

Ok I think its about time I publish this. Its been hidden in my ‘private corner’ for so long

The catholic identity I have in me brought me to the regular Sunday mass today along with my father and my youngest sister. As usual I didn’t pay much attention to what the priest was saying. But I did pray during the offertory and received holy communion (I always do even if I don’t ever confess,,,that’s another story!) It was a simple mass. When it finished, I shook hands with the priest saying ‘Lovely mass father’.

Here comes my favourite part…hugging and saying ‘hi-hello’ to all me favourite people. First up was my younger sisters gorgeous friend from her primary school. Hugged, said hi-hello and moved on to the next person. Our ‘Irish-aunty’. This lady is so darn hilarious and is so darn special to all of us. Her hugs are the best, her jokes are mind blowing and her laughs are addictive. After the usual hug hi-hello thing, I bumped into another gorgeous lady who is in her mid 80s. She is lovely and gorgeous like a flower petal (that’s corny but what the hell). This lovely lady was the last in line. I ran towards me dads car. My younger sister, being the brat she is ran and got the passenger seat way before me (I always get the passenger seat :/). I sat at the back cursing her rather loudly. When we were waiting to get out of the church. We saw another one of our usual hug-victims passing by. She is from South Africa and lives here on her own. Unfortunately, her eye sight is getting deteriorated and she has one of those sticks to get by. When she was passing by,,it seemed like she was struggling a bit. I sat there thinking what I should do. I didn’t want to embarrass her or hurt her feelings by offering my help. When I was lost in my thoughts, I heard a voice saying “I’ll go help her”. The voice owner was none other than my baby sister. She asked my dad to stop the car and got out of the car. She held the woman’s hand and walked her to wherever she wanted to go. The feeling I experienced that moment was indescribable. She came back and sat on the passenger seat (Brat!). I asked her what she said to her and whether the lady was offended by what she done. To which she replied ‘ No! I just said to her that I thought I’ll give her some company and she said she was ok when she crossed the car park’. I couldn’t say anything to her.

Whatever good lessons I have learnt in my life,,,whatever skills I have gained,,,I’m always wanting to pass it on to her to make her a more better person than she already is. That moment when I saw her holding the lady’s hand and walking her over,,I thought to myself..that’s someone who truly puts others in front of herself. She does not care about her own discomfort or think about any ‘what if’s’ like I did. She done what she felt was the right thing to do.
I often wished for a big sister who I wanted to look up to and learn things from. I think I don’t have to wish that any more. I just found one in my little sister today!